Shades of black
by stevie puff
Summary: Love wakes up with only one foggy memory and a sister who won’t tell her anything of the past. She just sits in the bed doing nothing until Keith stumbles into her room. That’s when she learns of the war going on and when the safe house is attacked. Love
1. Chapter 1

A/N Special thanks to my beta Kitsu3, Please if you read this story review. I would love to hear your comments, thoughts and suggestions!

_(And if anyone is willing to beta my second chapter please either leave a review stating this or email me at ____ thanks)_

**Shades of black**

**Chapter One**

I lost my only family, I lost my whole life, apparently I lost everything, but I can't remember anything.

My name is Love; don't ask me for my last name, they haven't told me it yet. I say I don't remember anything, but that's a lie; I do remember one thing. I remember holding hands. With who? I don't remember that part. I guess now's as good a time as any to tell you the haunting memory - but when I think about it now it's not really a real memory, it's like a thought that runs through the back of my mind every time I close my eyes.

Someone is holding my hand, but it's too dark; I can't see their face, I only see their hand wrapped around mine. I think it's a guy because the hand is huge and the nails have not been taken care of. It always takes me a minute to realize that we're wearing matching rings; like the rings suddenly appear on our hands. I stand there staring at the hands for a good 5 minutes, taking in every detail before something tries to pull us apart; I can hear distant screaming. I never look away from our hands always thinking he will save me, save us! The grip then starts to loosen and I know that he's giving up, he's letting go; and I think this every time, it's like the dream won't let me think otherwise, like the terror of losing this guy is too unthinkable. Along with this I can feel a sharp pain in my heart.

I want it all to stop, I can feel it, my body is screaming 'wake up!' but I don't; I can't. I'm whispering over and over again "DON'T LET GO!" Though I'm whispering it feels like I'm screaming. It's like I've been screaming for hours, not whispering for mere minutes. The sad part is I still haven't figured out if it's me or the boy I'm saying it to. Should I hold on tighter? Or should I wait for him to do it for me? I want to let go, I know the boy does as well. I can feel it, but I won't let go. He tries to. I never take my eyes off our hands. I watch as he tries to let go, tries to run, but his fear is no match for my determination to live. I know if we stay together, stay here, we will live. We just have to! All I can hear is screaming. Who's screaming? Is it the boy? No, there are others in the house. I know them, but I don't know them. I remember them, but I don't remember who they are.

I hear the boy, he's trying to talk but the words are distorted; I want to hear, to understand what he's saying, to know who he is, who they are! Am I doing the right thing? Should I let the boy go? I don't do anything but stare at our hands. He's trying to get away, struggling to unwrap our two hands, but I don't let him; I won't let him go. Then suddenly everything goes black the memories stopped, the dream is done. I wake almost every night exactly 4 hours after I go to sleep.

I've had this dream every night since I woke up in this light pink hospital room two months ago. It's haunting me, stopping me, keeping me here. I'm in the dark because I don't know who I am. Just that my name is Love and I lost my first love, I lost my only family, I lost my whole life, and apparently I lost everything, but I can't remember anything.

_**New-ishy…**_

Should I tell you what else I know, or in this case I should say knew? I may have to start at the very beginning. The day I woke up, in this bright pink room.

I could hear a beeping sound, as well as a low whisper of voices. It took me a few hard minutes to force my eyes to open. The light was seeping in, making it hard for me to keep my eyes open. I looked around the room surprised to see a sleeping girl in the chair next to my bed. She had long blond hair that was moved back from her pale face.

"Who are you?" I asked breaking the silence that had over taken the room. The girl shifted strangely as if she'd forgotten that she was sleeping on a chair. Her eyes shot open when I let a little giggle overtake me.

"You're awake!" The girl screamed, jumping out of the forgotten chair. Now that I had a good clear view of the girl's face I realized I should know who she was, but I didn't. I knew she had been crying because there were black streaks of make-up running down her cheeks. Her pasty skin made her bleach blond hair look lighter than the white bed sheets that were covering me.

"Who are you?" I naively ask, receiving a hesitant smile from the girl. I didn't smile back; instead I tried my best to give her a kind look as a replacement for the annoyed sigh I was holding in. I took her a couple of minutes but finally the girl did answer my question.

"What do you mean, Love?" Apparently she didn't feel the need to hide the agitation in her voice. I shook my head trying to acknowledge her unanswerable question. "I'm your sister, Love. Do you remember what happened to you?"

"I don't know. It's complicated, I don't know much or remember anything… but um… nothing." I didn't know if I could trust her just yet so I lied.

"Well I'm Annabelle, but you've always called me Anna," there was a little teardrop slowly running down her cheek. "I should go get the healer; he'll wish to give you a check up. I'll be back in a few minutes."

With that she left me there in that little room, thinking about all that had been said. I then knew that my name was Love and that I had a sister named Annabelle but sadly that's all I knew at the time.

_**A new me**_

An older woman wearing light blue robes came into the room a few minutes later. She was humming a soft, upbeat tune. "Hi there, Love. I'm Gloria, your healer.

"Your sister told me that you don't remember anything. Is this true?" She seemed to lose all the cheerfulness as she talked. To answer the question I simply nodded. "I'm going to give you a potion that will put you to sleep."

"Why? I'm not tired or anything." The healer gave me an atypical look as if it was a stupid question. Sure she was obviously smarter than me but I wasn't going to do everything she said, especially without questioning her choices.

"I don't have time to explain every medical decision I make!" I knew instantly that there was something wrong. No healer would ever snap at a patient like that. Only then did I take a close look at her. She wasn't nearly as old as I had thought. I believe her name had thrown me -Gloria- an old lady's name in my opinion. Or it may have been the dark circles that surrounded her eyes. Whatever it was I now knew that she could be no older then 30.

"Okay I understand," I calmly said, trying to pretend I meant it. We didn't talk the rest of the time she was in my room. I just sat and did everything she gestured for me to do. Just as Gloria had said the potion put me to sleep.

When I woke up everything seemed weird, the room seemed to be spinning around me. Lights flickered on and off.

I didn't know how long I'd been asleep but it had to have been a long time, for I was in really bad shape. I closed my eyes, trying to calm my head that felt like a dozen curses had hit it; the painful aching didn't stop, though. So I lay there trying to focus on everything, anything but the pain.

I expected someone to come see how I was doing - at least check if I had woken - but no one came, not even my so-called "sister".

Alone. I was alone with no one to talk to, nothing to think about, no memories to sort through. Nothing to do.

_**A friendly face…**_

Time passed and before I knew it a month had gone by. In my opinion it had been a very long month. A healer came to my room twice a day to bring me food and make sure I hadn't died of boredom. My sister came about once a week. It was always the same though, she asked if I remembered anything and I would say no. She always seemed worried, almost afraid, like I was going to hurt her if she stayed too long or turned her back to me. And that scared me because I didn't know who I was or what I did.

The healers didn't talk to me. There were two that came, a young girl who came in the morning and a middle aged man who brought me supper. No one else came; not even Gloria, who I'd thought was my healer. For some reason they all seemed very gloomy. I didn't know why, I had thought, perhaps it was just that type of hospital.

That day was different. That was the day he came into my room. He looked around 16 or older. It was hard to tell; he looked young, but his eyes were cold and hard, almost mean, and sad at the same time.

"Hi, I think I have the wrong room," he said this like it was a surprise. "Um… the house must be confused on where people are."

"House?" I was confused about what he meant. How could a hospital screw up on where their patients were? And why'd he call it a house?

"Ya, you know, safe house." This was one weird conversation.

"Why are we in a safe house?"

"Because of the war! How could you not know this?" He was yelling, out of anger at first, then astonishment. It was at that moment I noticed how good looking he truly was. He had dark brown hair and light hazel, almost gold, eyes. The freckles that were sprinkled across his nose really stood out when he yelled.

"I um... I don't really know anything of well… that I... um… ya." I tried to process everything he had said but it didn't make any sense. I studied his face, looking for a trace of humour; there was none.

"You really don't know?" He looked dumbfounded. Taking one step forward, he touched the side of my arm. "What's wrong with you? I mean, why are you in a sick room?"

"I lost my memory," I answered simply.

"Oh, when?"

"Well I guess around a month ago," I tried to sound calm but ended up sounding like an idiot.

He stared into my eyes and something crossed his face. I don't know why but I wanted to hug him, this complete stranger, whose name I didn't even know!

"What's your name?" I had to ask.

"Ahhh introductions." He smiled as he said this. "I'm Keith Paller, and you'd be?''

"Love, my name's Love," I answered quickly, making sure there was no hesitation in my voice.

"Well it's nice to m…" the door knob started to twist open and in came the dinner healer (as I called him).

"What on earth do you think you're doing in here?" he asked sharply.

"I well… looking for my mother… wrong room... I'm sorry," Keith looked down at the floor as if afraid he'd be punished.

"Leave now and don't mention her to anyone!" the healer commanded.

"Why?" Keith asked bravely.

"Because it's the rule. You should know all this by now Mr. Paller," the healer seemed to be getting angry as he said these words. That's when I started to fear this healer; he seemed like a total nut case. He pulled out his wand; I didn't want to see him hex Keith.

"Yes sir I'm sorry to cause any trouble for you," and with that Keith left the room, leaving me and the dinner healer alone.

"There's a war going on," I said simply. I know, I know I shouldn't have added anything to it but I felt the need to. "No one will talk to me because they're afraid they might slip and say something that might give it all away." I hated the way the dinner healer looked at me, the obvious pity in his eyes.

He didn't say anything, just turned on his heel and left.

I lay in that bed waiting for something to happen, but nothing did. No one came in or out of my room other than healers. Just me. I didn't expect anything to happen, but on the third day I heard a knock on my door!

Then Keith walked in. I was so happy and surprised. A big smile was on his face. He closed the door quickly and I had felt a bright smile as wide as his make its way onto my face.

"Love, you're looking lovely today, just as I left you." I knew this was flirty humour; however, all I could see was the hands - holding on to each other - and my heart felt like it was being ripped from my chest. The throbbing pain was unbearable. I wanted it to go away, and just as I had wanted the pain left - except along with it went the light, leaving me in the dark staring at two hands grasping each other.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Awake at Last

_Darkness._

It all happened so fast. One minute I am looking at Keith and the next, the world is spinning until I am in total darkness. Complete utter darkness. There are no pictures trying to force me awake; I just sit in the darkness of my mind. For a moment, I think that I may be dead but I don't know; I've never been dead. But the irony of it all is that I'm really enjoying the quietness of it all. There is no random senseless talk or screaming; just me and my silent thoughts.

It's funny that I would think about where I am because really, I don't actually care. The thought drifts through my mind like a cloud drifts across the sky; it's not always noticed but always there. I try not to think about it too often but sometimes… sometimes it's hard not to wonder. I wonder what is happening to my body, what people in the real world are doing, but most of all I'm wondering why I can't turn it off; why I can't make my brain stop this thought process.

I don't know how long I was in that darkness. It could have been just a minute or maybe a month. It was so hard to keep track of the time. But then one moment a little light shown threw it all. I stopped wondering about everything and started to just think about how I was going to get to the magnificent beam ahead. Walking didn't work. I could not seem to move my legs, just my arms. I could turn my head however not my waist. Oddly enough I didn't wonder why I wasn't able to move my lower half. I didn't dwell on the fact that the light wasn't getting brighter. I was just glad there was that brightness for me.

In what felt like weeks I continued to stare at the light, watching it carefully until I got an idea. I could still use my arms; I would use my arms to pull myself to the light. I began to pull my self I felt my body rise and soon enough I was flouting towards the light, using my arms to kind of swim forwards. Finally, I made it., With a smile on my face, I soared into it.

I don't know how long I was out, but when I did awake, it was to find myself surrounded by four people I did not expect to see together. Gloria,healer to see me, the dinner healer whose name I had yet to learn, my sister, Annabelle, and Keith who looked most worried. I could tell they were all acquainted by now though it didn't bother me as much as I knew it should.

"Love, do you know what happened? Do you understand that you passed out?" Healer Gloria questioned looking very tired. I wondered if she had been up all night but did not ask.

"No, I just… well my heart—it hurt a lot… I don't know why," I tried to explain in a hoarse voice. I felt someone take hold of my hand and I thought it would be Keith but when I looked down at my hand I saw that it was my sister. She smiled a small reasserting smile that told me better than words that everything would be okay.

"Why don't we go and let Love get some rest?" My sister's voice rang out sounding different from the way it had before. That's when I noticed she was crying.

"Yes indeed!!" Healer Gloria agreed instantly. "Everybody out!" Then she turned on her heals and left the room. The dinner healer quickly followed leaving my sister, Keith, and me alone in a room together. We must have sat there in silence for nearly twenty minutes. No one was speaking, no one was leaving, no one doing anything. Finally, I couldn't take it anymore; I broke the silence.

"So, you two have met?" I said more to Annabelle than Keith.

"Yes, I understand you have been… seeing a lot each other," my sisters voice was hard, almost sounding angry. Keith had simply shook his head yes. I thought the conversation was over but then she added, "It's not proper procedure for any one other than family and healers to see the ill."

"She's not ill! Just because she lost her memory does _not_ make her ill," Keith argued adamantly. He looked mad but at the same time, worried. "Let's go and allow Love to get some sleep."

Annabelle appeared surprised by his sudden outburst but quickly nodded her head in agreement. Then as I watched them leave the room I heard my sister whisper almost to herself, "They just don't know. They don't understand."

Two weeks have past since the last time I fell into the darkness. My sister comes every other day and Keith sneaks in every day now. Annabelle and I don't do much; not even talk. We often sit in an awkward silence. Keith, on the other hand, makes me smile even when we are silent, though that is not very often. Keith likes to talk to me, mainly about nothing, but he makes it seem like something. It's a nice break from the solitude of being alone.

When I'm alone I tend to think about all of the stuff I am too afraid to talk about. I think about my dream, about the darkness and mainly about the things I hear and see. When my sister does talk, there's always something hidden behind her words, and her face is a mask that hides the truth. I can tell there is something she isn't telling me.

One day I asked Annabelle what it was like out of this room. She looked at me and a tear rolled down her cheek. It was a while before she answered. "Its bad—scary bad—and getting worse."

I asked Keith the same question later that day. He told me stories of seeing people he knew lying on the side of the road dead. He described the way it felt to be constantly afraid of your own shadow. I listened to the horror of it all and wished my sister had told me exactly what happened to our parents. I wanted to know that they'd had a funeral or at least a small memorial service. I wanted to know that they weren't on some road.

When I would talk to Annabelle, Keith, and the other healers, I also noticed something strange. My sister and I talk differently than everyone else; we sound different. I asked my sister about this, too. She informed me that we are from Canada and due to the war a lot of people were forced to move to different places. They evacuated all the muggles from the UK and brought in all of the wizards and witches who could fight from other countries. Since most of the healers were brought here to take care of the injured, they brought my sister and me as well.

That was the most Annabelle had said to me since I had lost my memory but after that day she began to talk to me. She would tell me what the healer told her about my condition and what they thought would happen to me as I got better and apparently I am getting better very quickly. Her visits became enjoyable and almost fun. I began to look forward to hearing Annabelle talk to me about our parents, our beautiful mother and brave father. It made me feel like there was still hope yet.

I woke one morning to find Keith leaning over my bed with an enormous smile on his face. "Jell-O! Jell-O! Jell-O!" he sang out. I laughed when I saw the bowl full of red jiggling jell-O with two spoons in it. Keith rested the bowl next to me and grabbed a spoon, wasting no time as he started to shovel it into his mouth. I took this as my cue to take the other spoon. "What's the occasion?" I asked out of curiosity between bites. He just smirked with out giving an answer. "So you're not going to tell me? Or are you just waiting for me to guess?" Keith nodded so I started naming off things. "It's your birthday, the war is over, it's raining outside, you're in a good mood…" I couldn't come up with much else so I let my voice trail off.

"I found the Jell-O in an old abandoned house," Keith said laughing. I laughed along with him, wondering why it was so funny but then I stopped when I saw a glint of sadness in Keith's eyes. "Love, my mother… she died last night. I might be sent to a new safe house. I don't know yet."

The words hung the air and it took a few minutes to process them. When they did, I instinctly held out arms to him and as we embraced, I was telling myself that I was trying to comfort Keith. Deep down, though, I was more worried that he might leave me all alone in this room for the rest my life. And I was afraid I would be losing my best friend.

After some time, Keith let go and stood up. "I better go; I've got some work to do tonight."

I nodded sadly, my eyes following him as he left. I wondered if I would ever see him again; if he would visit me before he moved to another safe house. I got my answer rather quickly. Minutes after the door had closed I heard loud horrifying screams.

(A/N so there's Chapter two; chapter 3 three should be up within the next week.  
Thank you to anyone who's reading this and please, please review with your wonderful thoughts and comments! And special, special thanks to Allison, the best Beta and head mistress in the whole wide world!  
Best regards Stevie)


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